WOW, its been forever since I came to this site...so much has happened. I made to WA and visited my grandfathers grave site and realized how much I hadn't yet coped with his death. Shortly after returning I was faced with another loved ones death and was not able to be there for them or my best friend. I am working full time now, I am no longer in Youth ministry for reasons that make me laugh then vomit. Speaking of vomit I haven't done that for a week and a half, YA!!! I still have 10 pounds to gain back and my strenght but most of all my sanity!! The saying, "when it rains it pours" doesn't come close to what I have been through since July.

Lets start from the beganning..eing sick for 3 months(the longest I have ever been sick in my whole life)New JOB(it is more than I bargained for to put it lightly) dealing with not dealing with the loss of loved ones(thats never easy), no longer apart of youth ministry(WOW, no comment), my husbands boss having a long term memory loss and not paying my husband( my mother always said if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all),just got a new dog(that speaks for its self), still have no kitchen and a car that is waiting to die( its totally a God thing I haven't moved to tahiti), and of course the daily grind that we all deal with on top of all that. WOW, now that I put it all down I am surprised I still have hair on my head. It would be really easy to walk away, to give up but what would I learn, what would I gain. A new friend of mine shared her testimony with me that was so much like mine and I found myself stunned at how far I have come, looking back. I can remember one of my most difficult times in my life that I spent on my knees either in the middle of the night on our bathroom floor crying in Missouri, or on my knees at the alter waiting on the Lord. I did not know why I was going through it or why all this was happening to me but now I can look back and see how far I have come. I may think it can't get much worse than this, I may think some peoples immaturity and lack of respect is the reason. I may want to hide myself in the bathroom and cry till next year or beat a few people senseless but what would that get me. My husband pointed out that through all this others may be caused to grow as well. It is just so much harder to deal with it all when you have half your strenght and at times you are forcing yourself to eat. Not to mention with our dying car, our lack of a kitchen, and me working 9-5, its been easier to think of all the negatives but at least our new dog is potty trained. HA !! Some may wonder if I am just waiting to snap...I think I may have let off a few sparks over the last few months when it all came to the boiling point and I had a "few moments" as I like to say.

To end this I am so grateful for one thing and that is true friendships, and I say true because sadley I have seen some peoples true colors through some of this and others I have seen what a true friend is!! I am not going to name names, you know who you are and as I always say, "if the shoe fits, wear it!" Also I thank God for my God fearing husband and best friend that has been the strong one through all this and my miracle son that God blessed me with. So goodnight and thankyou and God Bless.

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
2 Corinthians 1:4

THERE IS ONLY 3 DAYs TILL I LEAVE TO WASHINGTON STATE!!!I am so excited yet nervous at the same time. After last christmas I dont know how things will be with my family. Last christmas I had become the black sheep in my family becuase I refused to put up with their crap. For the last few years it seemed like they were getting so close to the whole thing of my beliefs, they way I live, and the choices I make but BOOM it all went up creek. Yet I am not going up there just to see my family, oh NO!!! Washington is a completely different place, the poeple, the small town charm, the climate, all those things are why I love it so much, yes I love my family but thats not the only thing I like about it. Actually I like living away from my family, not this far but living far from them really helps me out. First of all they are unsaved and difficult. I want Jr to know them but not to KNOW them. I don't want them to be the grandparents that only send a check but at the same time, I would rather him see a check than other things that I grew up with. I am hoping this trip will go good, no big blow ups...I am glad to be staying at other places as well. I think the strangest thing is going to be going to the fair without seeing my grandfather. I now know what people mean when someone very close to them dies and they say, " a peice of me died with them" It was totaly a "GOD THING" that I was able to be at the funneral since it was during christmas but what a way to began the new year, it made christmas very hard, the funneral was the week befor and I have yet to beleive that he is gone. WOW, this will be the first fair without him, it will not be the same in any way. He used to ride his tractor in the parade, and I used to go and see him in the tractor barn where he displayed all his antique tractors that he was so proud of. I don't know how grandma is going to do it, its gonna be harder for her. My mother acts as if it was a gold fish that died, yet she did the same thing when her dad died, it was if she had broke a nail. MY FAMILY IS SO WEIRD!!! When it comes to showing emotions they are very strange, me... I am a basket case which is something I really hate about myself. I am even getting emotional writing this...I guess that means its time to wrap things up. If I don't get a chance to write again befor I GO TO WASHINGTON!!!! I will write from there.

I have alot of favorite things in life...I like flowers because they smell nice and can somehow brighten my day. I like Chocolate because its sweet even if it can make me gain weight. I like working out because it makes me feel good. All these things are favorites because I like what I "get out of them", there are good things and BAD things about them as well. I started to think of these things in comparison to youth ministry. I have been in youth ministry since I was a youth myself, it is something I felt called to, maybe its because I was a youth that fell through the cracks, or maybe its because I like to talk. In WA the youth groups had there good things and bad things about them as any youth groups do. When I was in Boca, working with the youth ministry I went through major culture shock about Florida and youth ministry. The year I spent in MO my eyes were opened when it comes to ministry in general and I only was there a year. Alot of this is almost like comparing apples and oranges but when the rubber hits the road it all comes down to one thing...why. Why do I enjoy it, why do I do it, why do we have youth ministry. I enjoy meeting new people, I enjoy talking, I love seeing lives changed. To go even deeper I remember a man by the name Dever, he was terminaly ill do to a life full of drinking and parties. I was a activies Director and he was one of the residents at the facility I worked at. I was told not to bother about him, that he was dying, he wasn't interested in any of the weekly activities and to pretty much consider him hopeless. Well I am very stuborn and I love a chalenge and I saw this as one. When I finally got a chance, I went to his room. He was playing worship tapes and sermons. I introduced myself not knowing he was going to have more effect on my life than I was going to have on him. After a few more visits I asked him if he would do the devotion in the morning with the other residents befor coffe social. This man never came out of his room and everyone had given up on him, and everyone knew he was dying yet he himself had made a choice that made his past dissapear and he didn't look at his terminal state as a death wish but a second chance at life...as born again beleiver. I can remember the looks on everyones face as I wheeled him down to the livingroom for devotion with the other residents. He had been there for years even befor I started working there, I was the second activities director that he had contact with and this was the first time he came out of his room to take part in the activities. For the next few months he did the devotions in the morning, I visited him through out the day up until the day he went to be with the Lord. I was there right befor he took his last breath and looked at him after that. I saw a man that had changed my life forever and as well as many others. This was a man who others had looked over, ignored, and considered terminal as a human. I didn't do magic, I just found out what he was interested in, which was GOD and found a place for him but I ended up learning the most.
We meet people everyday that are lost, or should I say others consider them lost because they have yet to find their interest, their calling, their place in the world. In youth ministry I meet many people that just go about their day just moving with the crowd. When they find what interest them, there way to make their mark using their talents God has given them, it is a life changing moment for both them and I. That is why I enjoy youth ministry, I don't do magic, its totaly a "God thing".I am not in youth ministry to babysit or be a door holder, I am there to use the gifts and interests God has given me to reach others and in most cases I end up learning the most when I see a youth give their life to God, its not them that is the only one changed, its me as well.
So in ending, I know others will be reading this so I am going to "POST" a question...
"Why do you do youth ministry? What is it that intrest you or you enjoy about it?" You can be as bold, short, or write a novel as I have done.
God Bless

OK, I finally got on, you all can stop bugging me about it, I did it!!! I have yet to figure it all out so give me some time, ( a couple weeks). Please remember I am a true blonde....don't let my brown hair fool you. I have yet to figure out who is who so post something to me or what ever so I know you are out there. Just because I am married to a computer geek doesn't mean I am one also...I can sometimes talk the talk but can't always walk the walk. Talking about it and doing it are two different things!!! So, "HI"! and I have said everything so, "BYE"!

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON is what I am holding on to right now, and when I say holding on to I mean I have a death grip on that truth. Oh boy, just when I feel like pulling out my hair I remember that and it pulls me through knowing that as a beleiver. A non christain once said, " to have faith, is to trust" and as a Christain to have faith in God is to place your trust in Him, and to go one step futher, in HIM, NOT THE WORLD. We are given roles in life, chosen or not chosen such as mother, pastor, teacher, friend, worker. And in all of these there is a purpose, A REASON, and as frustrated as we may get, as I am NOW, there is a reason, and further more a time and season for everything. With that all comes patients which is a whole another thing.....AHHHHH PRAY FOR ME!!